Mine
by bleak reality
Summary: Why don't you just come down from your tower and see me as I really am? Anything would be better than this Malfoy pride fighting with my longing for your smile. DMHP


****

Mine

The snow that catches in my hair does not melt. The night is far too cold for that. The wind is icy but I don't move. It almost feels like someone's frozen hand stroking my cheek. In the cover of darkness I could pretend it's you.

I stand barefoot in the middle of the Quidditch pitch, looking up at the warm glow from your window. You're up late my dear predictable Gryffindor. I wonder why.

I wonder a lot about you. I wonder what music you enjoy. I wonder how you fly so beautifully. I wonder how those muggles treat you. I wonder what it is about you that draws my eye.

I wonder if you know the pain to want the one thing that you haven't got. Dear Golden Boy, you have the world at your feet. You triumph over everything that assails you. You have friends, laughter, warmth, happiness. I have strategic allegiances, shadows, cold and loneliness.

I hate you, youngest Hogwarts seeker in a hundred years. Like a storm cloud in my heart the feeling swells and grows and threatens to engulf me. And every one of your smiles that is not directed at me feeds the fire. But now I'm afraid that this feeling isn't hate.

I want you to smile for me. I want to be able to smile back.

This is a waste of time. This spell won't work. How could I think that I could haunt your dreams? How could I believe that you might be able to understand me?

If only you weren't in the enemy house. If only _I_ weren't.

There's something you don't see every day. A Slytherin who'd rather be a Gryffindor.

If only you hadn't brushed aside my offer of friendship. If only I could turn back time and convince my younger self not to insult Weasley. If only you could conceive that I am _not my father_.

If only I could kiss you. Surely you would understand me then.

I give up. Why don't you just come down from your tower and see me as I really am, on my knees in the snow staring up at your window, tears freezing as they fall to the ground? Why don't you humiliate me, ridicule me, slit my body and gut me? Anything would be better than this Malfoy pride fighting with my longing for your smile.

I'd do anything for you. Every burden you bear, let me carry it. Every scar burned into you, let it be passed into me. Let every insult I've ever thrown at you be dissolved in my tears and lost forever in the snow.

"Malfoy? What in hell do you think you're doing?"

I feel your hands grip my arms and haul me up from my knees. "What does it look like Potter?"

"Attempting a slow suicide by freezing to death?"

"Crying."

You stare at me. "You did _not_ just say that."

"I could have sworn that I did." Your hands still rest on my shoulders. If not for them I would fall.

"Why?"

Now there's a question. Where do I begin? "Because of you."

Your eyes are wide in the dark. We've never been so close before without resorting to violence. I take in every detail of your face, the soft line of your mouth, the locks of hair that curl over the rims of your glasses and half cover that damned scar. Snow whirls, stinging you and I alike.

"I dreamt of you."

I didn't expect you to say that.

"I dreamt you were down here in the snow looking up at my window."

"Funny how these things turn out."

"Why were you crying? What did I do?"

How can I explain this? I don't think there are words to tell you what I want to say. You're everything to me. I can't have you. There is no way this could work. Tomorrow I will laugh at his second hand robes and you will call me a ferret again.

But, tonight?

I lift my ice-cold hands to your face. You don't move away when I stroke a thumb across your mouth, run a hand through your tangled hair. As my fingers reach the back of your neck you lean forward to meet me and I kiss you. Simple, brief, and chaste. I fully intend to leave it at that.

But it is you who pulls me closer and catches my lips again. It is your hands that wrap around my waist and hold me warm against you. You do not break away when you taste salt water. You only hug me tighter when I fall against you and I shake with the cold and my tears.

Do you understand me now, Golden Boy? Does one tame kiss make the Ice Prince melt?

I can hardly believe that this is real. It is like a different world here, where Potter and Malfoy embrace without caring about the world outside this snow filled night.

"Come morning I'm going to Obliviate you," I whisper in your ear.

"Surely you wouldn't rob me of that kiss?"

"Especially that kiss."

But you only smile. A smile . . . for me? I think my heart just burst.

And with a smile of my own I kiss you again.

~~*~~*~~*~~

I've relied fairly heavily on the Savage Garden song 'Mine' in the writing of this short story. Some lines are direct quotes, others aren't. Here are all the lyrics;

I wait in the darkness

Frozen winds surround my face

In the cover of darkness I can make believe it's you

I feel you like the rain, I feel you like a storm cloud building in my heart

I wonder if you know the pain, to want the one thing you haven't got

Just a twist in time ...and you could be mine

Just a sip of wine ...and you could be mine

Just a kiss divine

A hand brushes by my love

A smile fuels a steel inferno

You don't have to die to leave my world

Stand still and you've departed

It seems I'm not on your mind and I'm just wasting my time

I'm just a fool to believe

In the death of the night can you feel me inside?

I wish that you could conceive

Just a twist in time ...and you could be mine

Just a sip of wine ...and you cloud be mine

Just a kiss divine ...and you could be mine

Won't you leave me in the darkness?

Take away the pride, all the dignity that's burning inside?

Can't you see I'm standing naked?

I'll bear all the crosses and the crucifixes you can provide

If you could decide

Just a twist in time ...and you could be mine

Just a sip of wine ...and you could be mine

Just a kiss divine ...and you could be mine


End file.
